i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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