just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize