dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
