She's JV to your varsity
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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