People with herpes should wear stickers.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
