i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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