Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
