i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
