no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
