FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
did i just pee glitter
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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