This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
