You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
