Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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