Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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