They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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