Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
