Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
