My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
