I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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