We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
