"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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