I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
