I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
