YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we're so committed to being not committed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
