my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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