Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
