Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
