Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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