Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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