I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
