Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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