Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
