Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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