at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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