So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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