a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize