"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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