I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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