i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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