If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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