So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
