WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
