I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize