you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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