its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
