just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
