I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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