You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Two words: blizzard sex
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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