You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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