he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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