Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
