I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
