"it" just moved
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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