I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
