I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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