Sponge bath it is.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
