I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
