just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
