margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
