im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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