I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
