remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
