Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
