Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
