I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
