my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
