If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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