okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
