I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
