omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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