I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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