I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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