i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
