Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
