Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
