you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
