Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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