Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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